Best birthday ever
by ilego
Summary: Connection series


**Poster Notes:** **Under 6 C of Terms of Use, I believe I am allowed to publish this until/unless Admin Says otherwise**

 **Disclaimer: I do not Own Mass Effect it Is Property of Bioware and EA. I did not Create this Fanfic, that credit goes to darkdanny, Nevertheless it is in the public Domain. (never Copyrighted)**

"Welcome to Memories of Illium, my name is Ereba, May I assist you in anyway?"

"No, not yet at least, just browsing."

The asari named Ereba smiled and nodded, turning away from the human. She did not realize she was speaking with the first human Spectre, the savior of the citadel, Commander John Shepard. It turned out, having such an awesome title like that meant nothing when it came to gift shopping from probably one of the most frugal quarians the Migrant Fleet ever produced.

He sighed as he browsed through the selection. This was the eighth store he had checked for a gift for his quarian girlfriend. The only place he had thought might interest her is if he went to a used part shop and bought her a combustion manifold to repair, take apart and repair again. Something that would probably keep a quarian amused for hours.

Jesus, he was dating a stereotype. John laughed to himself as he scrolled through the list of objects for sale, his eyes dropped down as he noticed the coolest thing they had selling here was bloody fish. Shepard sighed and scrolled to the next page

From the corner of his eye he noticed that the asari was watching him, inspecting him closer than he liked. He shook his head and focused on the catalog, at east until he hear the familiar rumblings of footsteps belong to that of a krogan,

It wasn't Grunt, he was in drinking contest with Garrus and Matriarch Aethyta. Shepard tightened his fists and steadied himself, he looked up defiantly and met the the figure that was only feet way from him. He looked... different. The lack of body armor did it. He looked naked without it. Perhaps it was an assassin krogan. Dress up in civvies and kill people in surprise.

His eyes looked way from him, instead they focused on the the asari, Ereba. He rose his hand up dramatically, and then he begun to speak.

" _Oh blue rose of Illium! Let your roots dig deep into the hard soil of Tuchanka!_

John widened his eyes and attempted not to burst out laughing at what he thought was a krogan warrior. No,, he was a goddamn Poetry spitting krogan, Now John could die knowing he had seen everything the galaxy could throw at him. From a quarian orgasm to a goddamn romantic krogan.

John looked over to Ereba, who had turned away, her face purple and buried into her hands. Clearly this harassing krogan was causing her more distress than she wanted to deal with. Shepard rubbed the bridge of his nose and wandered over, his facade of helpful passerby taking over his better judgment.

"Miss?"

The asari rounded on him, her expression was contorted into a look of fury directed at a slightly confused Shepard.

"What do you want?" Ereba snapped, her voice venomous. She paused and took a deep breath. She looked up again at John and gave him a slow, apologetic smile.

"Sorry, that damn krogan's poetry is getting on my nerves." She murmured, glancing at the krogan. Shepard glanced back and looked at the krogan, who was now on his knees, babbling something about a garden made of his ancestors. He narrowed his eyes. What a fucking romantic.

John cracked his knuckles and then his neck and smiled at the asari reassuringly.

"Is he becoming too much of a hassle?" John inquired, politely, throwing his thumb over his shoulder and gesturing at the krogan. "I can politely tell him to keep his distance."

Ereba's eyes went wide. The human was offering to intimidate a krogan? A human that was in a simple well tailored suit?

"What?" She all but exploded, her hand grabbing John's gesturing hand and pulled it back down. "Oh no, His name is Charr, he's quite harmless." She assured him, slightly smiling. "We were kinda seeing each other, but we're kinda on a break."

Ereba shrugged her shoulders. John nodded and glanced back over his shoulder again. Charr would get to live. For now.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He decided to say to her. "My line of work leads me to have stereotypes of krogan's."

The asari nodded her head and smiled in apparent understanding.

"No, what you've seen is a correct assessment of Charr's species;" She mused to Shepard, her eyes traveled to look at the krogan, slowly, she added. "Charr is a bit of an exception to the rule though. He's a nice, fun guy. Harmless, judging by you being so willing to hand him his ass, he would be training dummy for you."

Shepard shrugged and attempted to look modest. Charr would not last more than forty seconds against him. Twenty if he applied what he learned from his new mentor in killing big things, Zaeed Massani.

"So, he's a nice guy, but not serious material for you." John summed up, tucking his hands into his trouser pockets, his thumbs hanging out. Ereba laughed and shook her head as hard as she could, Tendrils shaking from the motion.

"Nooo, that's the problem." She explained to him. "He's serious, extremely serious. Five months into what we had going on, he started talking about having kids. I just let it slide but he kept at it and at it. Like I'm some baby making machine for him."

Ereba sighed and glided gracefully away towards the the shop terminal and waved her omni-tool over it. The station and the kiosk powered down. Ereba looked back to Shepard, who raised an eyebrow at the action.

"Closing up?" He queried her. Ereba smiled and shrugged again as she stepped towards the human.

"Yes, it's about an hour before I close up anyway and no one is going to want to shop with an obsessed krogan nearby..." She returned. She paused and quickly added, "...unless you need to buy something?"

Shepard shook his head. Tali's birthday wasn't for another two days, he would have plenty of time to get her something special by then. Perhaps Ereba could help him out. She may have been shit with long term relationships, but surely she had some insight into shopping for another race.

"No, I'd rather help you deal with this." He returned, giving her a kind look. "tell you what," He added. "How about we get a cup of coffee or something and we'll talk this out, get all of this fixed up once and for all."

Ereba looked at him with a raised eyebrow and smirked at him knowingly, she could see right through him.

"I'd would like like that," She replied neutrally "But... does your girlfriend mind?"

Shepard paused and considered the bold statement made by the asari. At first he wanted to tell her off, but he suppressed the urge. Her advice for interspecies dating could be very useful to have. More so then goddamn Mordin Solus' science approach. If he ever had to hear another lecture on Oral hygiene so that he could go down on Tali, he would probably rip off his other horn.

This was very much worth the risk.

"Knowing my girl? She probably would." Shepard informed her ruefully. "She's back on the ship and she's really possessive, especially since she snatched me away from an asari. This can be some sort of test, you know? See if I'm allowed to have some breathing room?"

Ereba couldn't help herself. She giggled at the mans plight and gestured him to follow him with a smile.

"You sound like some sort of toy for this human." She mused as John stepped up and kept pace with her. He bit his lip as he decided to clarify just what race his Tali belonged too.

"Call me Shepard, and she's a quarian." John returned to her brightly. He chuckled slightly as Ereba stumbled and turned to face him with a wide expression at the announcement of who he was.

"A quarian who can steal the heart of the first human spectre away from an asari." Ereba spoke at long last, slightly skeptical of the statement. She sighed and added. "Tell you what, you tell me your woes over coffee? I'll tell you mine."

Shepard nodded and returned her smile.

"Deal."

The asari and the human passed by the krogan, who watched them like he was a massive puppy dog. Shepard rolled his eyes and threw his hand over his shoulder, giving the krogan a parting wave.

"Later Charr." Was his final word to the lovesick krogan. He did not notice, nor care that the reptile's massive scowl.

...

...

"Your turn again! Now that I know about your gift woes, I want to hear all about your troubles with a suspicious quarian!"

John narrowed his eyes at the enthusiastic asari, who was sipping her cup of black coffee idly. Shepard rubbed his eyes and shrugged faintly, his attention focused on stirring his tea.

They were sitting in a crowded little coffee shop ran by a turian woman. A turian woman, Probably he first time he had ever ran into that gender of the species. Still, the place was warm and well decorated. Naturally the the servers probably assumed Ereba and him were on a date or something. Shepard sighed, he wished Tali was around do the explaining herself.

The talkative quarian in love with an individualistic human. Perhaps he could sell the rights to a movie company after, help finance the home he would build her.

Though it was not that this asari hadn't been helpful. She had found herself at east two quarian mates before meeting Charr, she seemed to understand that gift giving for a quarian was difficult. Especially when birthdays were more meant for children rather then the self sacrificing adult.

"She's not that Jealous." John begun slowly, catching Ereba's undivided attention. "Honestly, she's selfless and considerate of others. A team player like any standard quarian."

"Tali's not the standard quarian though. She's even more sacrificing than others." he huffed, in protesting indignation. Her selflessness was a bit of in annoyance to him "Hell, She thought it be better for me to be with the asari than her, that I probably would never give her a chance to begin with, so why rock the boat?"

Ereba smiled at John sympathetically as she set down her cup.

"Would you have?" she questioned as careful as she could. Shepard looked her over, the gears in his head turning before suddenly, he shrugged and smiled melancholic.

"I don't know what would have happened." He admitted ruefully. "She was a different person back then. bubbly, innocent. Her hands clean. We were both different people, but then she grew up. Says that it's thanks to me."

He fell silent as he thought about how he affected the young woman he had come to love. How it hurt to watch her try to rationalize what happened on Haelstrom, on Freedom's Progress. He never really had the right words to explain to her what happened and how to deal with it. Each traumatic experience was unique as the next,

There was a sudden pat on his hand. He looked up to see the asari, smiling at him encouragingly. So he continued for her,

"She's had to send good people to their deaths because I educated her to do so." John echoed blankly, his glazed over gaze focused onto the half empty cup.

"She doesn't deserve that. She's too good for me." John murmured and looked away, his expression distant.

"We met three years ago. If I had been dating her back then, I honestly don't know how it would have worked out." John continued, a little more confidently then before. On his lips a small smile. "But, here and now? I'm going to make it work. I love her, and, for the first time in a long time. I'm confident she loves me back."

As John concluded his musings, Ereba pulled her hands off her chin and smiled at the human faintly.

"Overall, she sounds so sweet." She sighed almost longingly. "Too bad she hates asari's chatting with her boyfriend."

John shook his head in disagreement.

"Nah, she'd be cold for about 15 seconds and then warm up the moment she realizes you're not interested." Shepard disagreed with the asari. He paused and then wiggled his eyebrows in a fake attempt to seduce her.

"You aren't, right?" John tacked on with a shit eating grin spread across his face.

Together, both Shepard and Ereba snorted out a laughter so loud it disturbed the tables around her. Neither of them gave a damn as they continued to laugh at the idiot move he had made.

"By the Goddess," Ereba managed to say through her laughter. "You're so humble and then vain as hell."

John nodded grinning to himself and leaned back into his seat. His eyes looked her over. He took a deep breath. Best to pay the Devil's advocate now while the mood was light.

"Listen, I'm going to flat out say this. How you take it is up to you." Shepard spoke up, his eyes became more focused intently on the asari maiden. "If a long term relationship is what you want then what you have Charr have together isn't something that will allow that.."

Shepard had expected the asari to interrupt him. She didn't. it appeared that his opinion was more valuable then he thought. So, he continued.

"I'm not a relationship expert," He admitted to her, carefully. "but when his sole focus is taking you back to Tuchanka and making as many babies as he can with you in hopes you produce a krogan, then you know his priorities motivated by himself, not the two of you."

"Bu-"

"I know," Shepard interjected, holding his hand up. "It's a matter of randomizing DNA for the child in you, not actual biological creation by you and the other species."

"You see. You and I? We can have a rational conversation about this right now. But what about Charr?" He deadpanned, causing all the fight in her to die. "Do you think is that Charr is going to be able to suppress the inner rage from the genophage from coming to the surface for the next thousand years? asari children are a quick fix to a long term problem."

The dead silence between the Shepard and Ereba, meant that he could continue. She was not protesting this.

"Charr may be a nice loving guy now, but what about in a century or two when he's older and comes to realize what he wants from his children is not something he get from them?" He gently pressed on by posing the question. "What if you yourself anger him?"

Still the asari said nothing as she ingested the words Shepard gave her.

"Charr is looking for a way to desperately create life after the genophage, a last ditch effort to sow the seeds. But, with your lifecycles and clashing ideals, it seems unlikely it'll end well." Shepard sighed, allowing a half smile of sympathy for her. "I can't say it would happen to you, but is it worth the risk?"

Shepard shrugged quietly.

"Your future children deserve better then that risk."

They fell silently as Shepard watched the asari slowly nod, accepting John's admittedly harsh judgment. He sigh, he was just calling how he saw it. Charr probably was decent man, but he and Ereba were just not meant to be. judging by her body language, she seemed to have agreed.

"Besides, the way you talk about it. It's like your heart wants it, but your brain doesn't." John concluded, downing his tea and looking up to meet Ereba's ever alert watching of him, " true love isn't some fantasy where _'only the heart matters.'_ Both need to be in agreement, otherwise what you have will just fall apart."

Shepard leaned back into his seat and glanced at his omni-tool, _6:27PM local time._ He'd probably have to get back to the Normandy soon. Tell an anxious girlfriend of his that he was okay, despite not checking in.

"You're right." Ereba finally said, glancing down and sighing slightly "Charr is a great guy, and it's going to hurt him. But better now then down the line where I could be putting my daughters at risk. Children always come first, Having them on the whim for a desperate krogan is just not good."

"I see that the Commander is still working issues out with his words."

John stiffened at the familiar voice and Ereba looked up and smiled widely at the source of the wobbly synthesized voice. There stood Tali, looming over Shepard, her lithe form was surprisingly intimidating. Her small, feminine hands were curled into tight fists. She was not at all happy with what she was looking at.

Shepard had to maneuver through this minefield very, very carefully.

"Oh, hello Tali." He begun delicately, his hand reaching out to grab her by one of her suit's many straps. "How did you find me?."

Tali narrowed his eyes at his touch and crossed her arms.

"I reprogrammed a spare tracking device and implanted it into the back of your neck while you slept." She flat out stated. John swallowed and looked back to the asari and attempted not to lose his cool. Her voice was blunt, arms crossed and defensive, eyes narrowed.

He was going to die. Simple as that.

"Tali'Zorah?" Ereba spoke up softly, her voice sweet and kind as it addressed the hard looking quarian engineer. "Shepard was singing his praises of you only a few minutes ago, Told me he was madly in love with you."

She smiled faintly as she watched as Tali softened her stance and her eyes. From a hard stare to a watchful gaze.

"For a Spectre he's very sentimental about you." She continued, glancing at Shepard whose eyes were returning Tali's look. "Hell, he thinks you're too good for him."

She smiled widely as she watched her words work. Tali bounced on her toes. She was obviously surprised and extremely flattered that that man who held her heart felt just like she did as well.

"Y-you do?" She echoed, Her voice longing and hopeful that perhaps she was not alone in the feelings she had. She looked down and shivered as her Never simulators felt John's hand snake up and take a hold of her side.

"You're not the only one whose thinks they got more then they deserve." He returned, smiling slightly at her. His other hand gestured outwards d pointed itself at a chair. Tali obliged, she joined the asari and the human. mostly just with the human however, Tali's and John's chair were only inches apart and her helmeted head rested comfortably on his bicep.

"We were just talking about your upcoming Birthday, Tali." Ereba continued, smiling at the couple " We were trying to get a sense of what we could give you without you getting upset."

Tali's bright eyes looked up to John.

"All I want is for him to be there." She spoke softly to the two of them. "He does not need to buy me anything. It just would not measure up to what I get from being with him."

The quarian nudged her mate with the end of her helmet. Shepard smiled at her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Ereba smiled and did her best not to sob like she was a hundred year old maiden watching a romance vid.

At least she would have until Shepard ruined the mood.

"You mean because I'm helping your people to broker for Rannoch's return and I'm sexier than a Dutch underwear model?" He pointed out, as he smirked at his Quarian.

Tali's eye's went wide and she flew off him, Her hand lashed out and smacked Shepard hard against his chest.

"You _Bosh'tet!_ " She hissed out as she smacked him yet again. John was laughing like a maniac. Both of them were ignoring Ereba. She did not mind, she was smiling widely at the seen before her.

"I can see where you're coming from, Shepard." Ereba spoke up, her voice breaking through the play fight. "Tali and you have a depth to what you have. It's not just devoted to a single thought. I get it."

John dropped his smile and shrugged apologetically.

"I'm sorry."

Ereba shook her head and turned her attention to the confused Tali.

"No, it's fine. Judging from Tali's confused look, how about the three of us go out and get a drink at Eternity." Ereba spoke up to her "We can inform her and maybe get her drunk enough to get an idea what she would like for a gift."

Shepard laughed and nodded in agreement. He stood up and dragged his reluctant quarian with him.

"That's a good idea." John agreed with her, he looked down Tali, and, with a wide smirk, added. "Come on Princess, lets find out your deepest desires."

Tali ignored the barb as she bit her lip and nodded her head as she followed the two of them closely. What could possibly go wrong?

...

...

"That... That was incredible." Tali panted, Rolling her body over and pressed up tight against John. Shepard nodded blankly, his head swimming with all the feelings he forgot for years.

"Yeah, it was." John agreed as he kissed her hard. His hand grabbed her hips and pulled himself as close as he could next her.

"John... you made me cry..." Tali attempted to speak but only managed a babble as she buried her head deep into John's chest. "Keelah, and and..."

"I think I deserve some of the credit as well." The soft trill of an sari's voice interrupted her mumbling. Tali looked over and watched as Ereba crawled out from under the sheets and hugged her body against Tali's tightly. Her hands snaked around the Quarian girl's waist.

"If - if I knew this was what it would be lie, I would not have gotten so mad at you when you suggested it." She whispered, still breathing heavily, her eyes wide. Shepard raised an eyebrow and laughed slightly.

"I suggested it?" The Spectre said incredulously "You were the one hitting on her, the entire night. You were the one telling me you thought she was attractive. You were the one who said it be a good birthday treat!"

Tali shook her head wildly in denial, her eyes wide.

"But..."

Tali was just making excuses now. She was the instigator in all of this!

"Tali. We did this because you wanted to do this." Ereba pointed out, laughing at the quarians sputtering attempt at an excuse. She really, really was not as innocent as she looked. The things she did to Ereba, the way she worked her tongue inside of the asari. Hell, John was mostly just focused on Tali. He had allowed Ereba to put all her focus onto Tali.

"Well, what happens now?" Tali whispered after a long moment of silently enjoying the the caresses coming from two pairs of hands.

"Did you like that?" John questioned her, grinning slightly.

Tali looked between John and Ereba. Slowly and blushing deeply, she nodded her head. This was against everything that that she was raised to be, but it was utterly worth it. The moment she had heard that Ereba had a decontamination unit for her home, she knew it would have happened.

"We bring her back to Rannoch once we get the homeworld back." John mused to her. Tali giggled and allowed the Ereba to dragged her body over Tali's and crawled in between the human and the quarian.

"Thank you for the offer, thought I would not want to impose on your relationship too much." The asari spoke softly, her lips pressed against Tali's tight stomach, causing her to squirm under the attention of two very different lips. She closed her eyes briefly and moaned softly, her eyes devoted on John.

"Well... I'm all for it, but It's up to the birthday girl." Shepard informed Ereba faintly, her teeth grabbing against her neck, causing Tali to groan and mumble in Khellish.

Tali's whose whole body blushed darkly, nodded her head. Mentally the human fistpumped. Everything was going better then expected.

John pressed his lips against Tali's one last time and crawled out of bed. He tugged on his boxers and stretched out there was a shift behind him. He looked back and saw Ereba roll closer to Tali, who giggled nervously as the asari's tongue touched against hers.

Shepard sighed and wandered out of the room The two women spoke animatedly. Probably about him. It did not matter, he needed a large glass of water. Mind Melding's and quarian sex was quite possibly the most rigorously thing he had ever endured outside of combat.

As he reached the kitchen he opened the refrigerator and found a glass container of chilled water. Grabbing a cup off the counter he poured himself a glass of water. He sighed. it was best glass of water he ever drank.

Ad then, he heard it.

" _Oh blue rose of Illium! Let your roots dig deep into the hard soil of Tuchanka!_

Shepard squinted and set down the glass. He could not believe it. It was the Krogan, Charr! He was stalking Ereba now at home? Granted, Ereba had only just marked the decision to end it only last night. John opened the window shades briefly glanced out. There he was, on his knees and begging.

There was a second moment of guilt he felt. He had ruined a relationship for him. But, it was for the best. A man with a single reason for everything was a man obsessed. A man obsessed could bring only harm to others in the end. If not now, then hundreds of years from now.

John sighed and pressed the control to open the blinds up. The action caught the Krogan by surprise. Shepard smirked at the being who was looking shocked as hell. Shepard rubbed his neck and slid the window open.

"Isn't this called stalking?" He inquired from the krogan. Charr blinked, his eyes wide, his face contorting into a look Shepard was most use to from his species: rage.

"You're the human from Ereba's work. How dare you defile her!" Charr roared out at the human. enraged at John's mostly naked form.

John raised his eyebrow at the rage shown by the apparently "Sweet" Krogan. He crossed his arms and glared down at the Krogan. Ereba had done so much for him. The least he could do was fix the this vicarious situation.

"Deal with it." He said sharply. He closed the window and headed back to the bedroom, where undoubtedly, Tali was understanding why in the hell he was with Liara in the first place. He paused in the doorway and watched as Ereba and Tali were fast asleep.

Sleep. it looked good right about now. He wandered over to Tali's backside and crawled into bed. His arms wrapped around Tali's waist, armed laced tightly against the Ereba's, causing Tali to purr and shuffled into him and Ereba to smirk with her eyes closed tightly. He smiled to himself as he too closed his eyes.

Best. Birthday. Ever.


End file.
